Life Lessons in Plant Science

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: French is the hardest language in the world and it is responsible for the teardrops on my guitar.

I do not play guitar. 

The last week of school is literally the biggest waste of time. I am not learning anything. I am not doing anything of importance. And I do not have to take any finals. So basically I am showing up to class to socialize and play Solitaire on my phone.  Welcome to public education in America.

Plant Science is the greatest class of all time. And the greatest thing about the class is I am actually learning things I might use in later life. Because of Plant Science I can identify trees, flowers, take care of a plants, explain the difference between global warming and the greenhouse effect, and most importantly I am working with kids I would not typically work with. Sadly, today my plant died. RIP Brooke’s plant. You will be missed.

HAPPY FRIDAY. 

Sorry, ladies he's married. To me...in the near future.

His hair must take a lot of patience. 

Hi, my name is Brooke. Let's get married.

     

Brooke, you need to stop.                                                 

Look at that cutie. Team Brooke.

It’s Friday so this blog post is short. Go tear the world apart.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Stop the Conformity,People

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I ate five popsicles yesterday.

My dog is literally the cutest thing in the world. He walks and talks sass and doesn't take crap from 

anybody.

You know what I am wondering?? Where do boogers come from? Cause they just end up in your nose and it just makes me wonder, how did they get there???? ONE SEC LET ME GOOGLE IT. They come from dried up mucus in your head. How fascinating.

This is the time of year when yearbooks are signed. And literally every single message looks the same,

“Hey Brooke! We have so much fun in (insert activity/class you did with the person)! Remember that one (small insignificant event, that for some reason keeps getting brought up)! OH MY GOSH LIKE IF WE DON’T HAVE (insert class/activity) NEXT YEAR I AM GOING TO (insert strong emotion. Such as: RAGE! DEATH! SAD!) We have got to (insert form of communication) this Summer! Love you, (insert name)

Ladies and gentleman, I refuse to give into the conformity. Below you will find what I write on peoples yearbooks, because I refuse to succumb to society’s pressures.

“It takes a person to build a village. Be the village. –Brooke”

“Remember that one time when we went streaking? –Brooke”

“Asian children everywhere look to you. –Brooke”

“Let’s be honest, I am better than you. –Brooke”

“You’re a whore. –Brooke”

“Be the conformity that you want to see in the world. –Brooke”

“Do I know you? –Brooke”

STOP WITH THE CONFORMITY PEOPLE. Become your own person and sign yearbooks like you have never signed them before.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

PE and Porn Stars

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I forgot about my laundry until 11:30 last night.

PE is the biggest waste of time. I literally spend the entire class standing and making fun of all the kids that try hard. If you are someone that is a "Gym Class Hero"…you need to stop. PE is not the Olympics and you are not earning in brownie points from me. And let's be honest, those are the only points that matter.

I would get so much more out of PE if I just went into the gym and biked for 40 minutes. But no, the PE teachers feel the need to impress their students with their creativity by making games that not even my three-legged dog would want to play.

Today was one of those days. I was a walking zombie. Last night I woke up at four in morning because of a nightmare. I dreamed that I got a dash on all my AP exams and the teachers told everyone in the world. WHAT IF THIS IS A SIGN OF WHAT IS TO COME???!!!!?

Later on in the dream, because I failed all my AP exams, I was working as a porn star. And my centerfold was plastered all around America. I would not wish that dream on my worst enemy. No one should wake-up in the middle of the night thinking they are a porn star, NO ONE.

“A LOOK INTO BROOKE’S MIND” this is a new segment of my blog, when I will write the first sentence that comes to my mind.

The bra is the strongest thing on Earth.

I need to do my French homework.

No.

What if I was related to Ryan Murphy?

I would be a good pole dancer.

Stripping is actually a respectable profession.

My backpack is so heavy…you would think I am carrying around King Tut’s tomb.

There are so many people that go to my school that would be perfect contestants for “Extreme Makeover”.

On that note…..YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Lovers and Laundry

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: Haven’t painted my toe nails yet.

There are few things in this world that irk me more than doing laundry.

This morning when I opened up more underwear drawer it dawned on me, I have not done laundry in two weeks. You see this is inconvenient because I am now out of clean underwear. As I put on my last clean pair of underwear this morning, I got nostalgic thinking back to the days when my mother did my laundry for me. I have so much respect for my mother, living with me and doing my laundry WITHOUT getting paid....she must be a saint. 

Doing laundry is hard. Getting the clothes in the machines is fine, but the real test comes with remembering to take the clothes out. If the government was paid a dollar every time I have forgot about my laundry in washer, our government would be debt free.

I am writing this as I wait for my laundry. In tomorrow's UPDATE ON MY LIFE I will let you guys know if I remembered my laundry. 

Honestly though, the more laundry I have to do, the more nudity looks promising.

Britney Spears is a god. If I could be anyone I would be either Ke$ha or Britney Spears. There auto-tune abilities are admirable. And their music makes me want to move to LA and become a professional party-er  I have a good British accent ….so I could totally be Britney in “Scream and Shout”

DANCING WITH THE STARS FINALE TONIGHT. #TEAMKELLIE #TEAMDEREK

If Mark and Derek don’t take their shirts tonight, I am boycotting the show.

This week is all about goodbyes. As seniors leave and embark on a new journey I wish you all luck! Even though you don’t need it.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Philosophical Monday: Opinions

My biggest pet peeve is people who cannot respect someone else’s opinion.

I was reminded of this today in band. The band teacher at my school is leaving and my band has been helping decide the new band director. After all the conductors have conducted the class gets to have our say on what we liked or disliked about each conductor. Instead of respecting one another’s opinion, members in the room attacked one another for having a different opinion then their own.

Or among my friends today we talked about different forms of education. But instead of having a civilized discussion it turned into an argument.

Another example, differing political parties. During the election we decided our friends based on if they wore; Elephant Red or Donkey Blue.  

What happened at lunch and what happened in band is a reflection of how our world has begun to share knowledge. We constantly feel the urge to “pick a side”, and instead of having a discussion it becomes a “who can talk louder”, what I learned today is no one is going to respect opinion if you have to constantly argue and attempt to belittle someone else. Furthermore, everyone involved with the discussion will take a whole lot more away from the discussion if it is not an argument and instead just a talk among friends.

If we want to be successful in this highly connected world, we have to be able to respect one another for having different opinions and cultures than our own.

Being able to exercise your opinion is a gift. And young people today are abusing it. Rather than constantly finding fault with an opinion different than your own, try to understand the other side better. You see, we all want to be heard so instead of dumbing someone down respect them, and if you do not agree with it, shut up.

I am going to start blogging daily!!!!!! And in order to stick to the trend I am going to have planned days. So Monday is, “Philosophical Monday” when I will talk about something that bugs me and how we can change it. Tune it tomorrow to see what Tuesday is!!!!!

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

90'S KIDS UNITE

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I did not win the lottery.

I am going to reenact 99.9% of what is said on social media sites during a rainstorm and my reaction.

“OH MY GOSH WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE” Someone help you.

“I love thunder.” You sound emo.

“Rain is so relaxing.” I bet you are doing a Native American rain dance right now.

“If I die I am leaving my dog to my grandma.” No one likes your dog.

“DID YOU SEE THAT LIGHTNING STRIKE??!!” No, I don’t believe in nature.

I am so happy that everyone in the world can tell when it’s raining. Our society has come so far.

Okay so “Iron Man 3” was a horrible movie BUT THE FIRST SONG OMG STOP I CANNOT HANDLE THE FLASHBACKS. Remember the song, “I’m blue da ba de b aba di ba da ba de ba” that was the first song of the movie. OH AND IT HAPPENED TO BE my jam in 1^st grade. 

So yeah, “Iron Man 3” was predictable and boring. I am a Robert Downey Jr. fan all day everyday but that script was so eigisddfnlkdfnlginlifndlkfnwlktnwlfndsnf. So do not go.

I will never understand why people eat yellow bananas.

Now that Summer is just around the corner, I have an issue. I need to paint my toe nails. My toes are the recreation of hell on the ten toes. I don’t know what is on them nor do I want to know, however if I want to wear cute sandals I need to get my toes together. I would go to nail salon but.....

A) no person for any amount of money should have to see my toes

 B) I am too cheap. 

So yeah, this year some people might be blinded by the horrors that make a home on my feet.

Another problem with Summer, I constantly have to shave my legs. I think all the females of the world should just stop shaving their legs. Then it wouldn't be weird if I were to walk around with a rain forest growing on my legs. Let’s make this a thing.

“HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME”

“I’m a genie in a bottle. You got to rub me the right way”

“Tell me whhhhhyyyyy??? I never wanna hear you say. I want it that way.”

“Hey now you’re an All Star”

“DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE??!!”

Welcome to the nineties. Now if you will excuse me I have a jam session with The Backstreet Boys about to 

start in my room.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

BROOKE IS THE NEXT DA VINCI

I have not blogged in so long….I forgot my password. Brooke, get yourself together.

You know what would help my life out a lot, if I used the same password for everything, BUT NO. I must complicate my life more and have a different passwords for everything. It is my way of preventing Alzheimer’s. Spelling, Alzheimer’s is really hard. I had to Google it just now.

The past few weeks I have been having some creative sparks of genius. If this continues I am on the path to being the next Da Vinci.

IDEA NUMBER ONE: “Dreambusters”

This is my idea of a television show, I will go into schools across America and tell students who think they are talented that they are not. 

For example, let’s say a 16-year-old girl is under the false assumption she is going to be the next Barbara Streisand I will come into the school and said child and I will have a “come to Jesus”. I will tell said girl, “You are not talented. There are one million other children in the world who think they are just as talented as you. This is not a reality check, I am saving your life.” Its genius.  

Who doesn't want to watch annoying children who think they are God’s gift to the world get their dreams busted???!! No one. People this is TV gold.

IDEA NUMBER TWO: “Breaking Down Barriers with Brooke”

Basically, every week I live with a different ethnic culture and try to assimilate into their society. I mean, who doesn't want to watch a white girl make a fool of herself??! One week, I will live with a Muslim family and when they pray to Mecca I will be like, “Oh stop!! You shouldn't have.” This is not racist. This is good TV.

The season finale is going to be, “Breaking Down Barriers with Brooke: Taliban Edition” in which I meet future suicide bombers and attempt hide with them in the mountains.

Just think of all the possibilities!!! I could live on a Native American reservation, an Amish village, the Upper East Side, with the Mormons, a week with the Kardashians, and so much more.

This is meant to be on FOX.

IDEA NUMBER THREE: TV SHOWS ALL YEAR ROUND

Not a big fan of this whole season finale thing. I honestly do not think it is possible for me to go four months without a new Grey’s of Glee episode. I will break down. There are not enough innocent children in the world for me to take my anger out on.

If I win the lottery tonight, all of the great ideas you read above will come to life.

YOU ARE WELCOME.