Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Ice Cream Review


Ladies and gentlemen I present you with The Ice Cream Review.

Over the past few weeks my digestive system has been having a party. For those of you who don’t know Brooke suffers from being lactose-intolerant. So, let’s just say my digestive system is breathing a sigh of relief now that the Ice Cream Review is done.

Without further ado, LETS BEGIN.

The Wendy’s Frosty

Pros- Perfect mix of creamy and milky. Strong taste. Easy to eat while driving.

Cons- Melts quickly. If you are looking to keep your frosty around for a few days…you will be disappointed. The frosty tastes horrible after a day.

Original Dairy Queen Vanilla Cone

Pros- Strong flavor and hits the spot on a 106 degree day.

Cons- Melts quickly and if you’re driving you might want to pull over. Let’s just say my car was a mess after a tried to eat a Dairy Queen cone and drive.

Edy’s Pint Vanilla Ice Cream


Pros- Lasts multiple days. Easy to eat and drive. Rich and creamy. Takes at minimum five minutes to thaw. Fabulous.

Cons- Only lasts two days if you are me.

Ben and Jerry’s Pint Vanilla Ice Cream

Pros- Lasts at least three days. Easy to eat and drive, (CARRY A SPOON IN YOUR CAR. I FIND IT HELPFUL) Also there is excitement in every bite.

Cons- Takes a long time to thaw after you take it out of the freezer. For me it took 8 minutes until I could get a decent bite.

Healthy Choice Ice Cream Bars

Pros- Super good for you. Only 100 calories. Easy to eat, no need for thawing. You won’t loose a tooth if you take a bite. And tastes like happiness.

Cons- Not very filling and its healthy, where is the fun in that???

McDonalds Original Ice Cream Cone

Pros- Everything about this ice cream is perfect. Genuine consistency in the cream. Perfect amount of flavor. Easy to eat and drive. The cone tasted good. And most importantly it was cheap.

Cons- NONE.

I personally would go with the McDonalds Ice Cream cone on a 106 degree day like today. The taste hits the spot and you are left feeling dandy.

The reason this review took so long was because of the fact I am lactose intolerant. I found eating three ice cream products in one day would not benefit you (I would end up dead and wouldn’t be able to give you my discoveries) or me ( just to reiterate I would be dead) so that is why it took so long.

SO GO OUT AND EAT ICE CREAM.

Okay, five people have just ran by my house. It is 107 degrees. They should go eat ice cream. 

AND SEND QUESTIONS TO brooketheblogger@aol.com

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I Honestly Can't Tell You Why I Am Watching The Bachelorette


I am watching I am watching The Bachelorette for the first time.

“I have met the love of my life”

“It’s going to feel so good for her to tell me she loves me too”

“I just can’t decide”

“I know she wants to tell me she loves me”

“I made a love potion for you”

“It smells so good. You did such a great job”

“Ari, will you wait for me?”

“I give so much, I am so open and I am a loving person. I feel like I deserve that back”

“It’s unreal that it’s over”

“I want the picture in my mind to come true”

“There has always been something in my past relationships that have held me back”

“You really are everything that I lived for so long.”

“I feel like the luckiest man in the world. I smile so big. There is something about us.”

“I am so grateful that we are there”

“When the road was hard and tough. I am so grateful that you didn’t run away. Because I found my everything.”

“What I am about to ask you is a forever thing.”

I can’t type this fast.

“O my gosh Jeff is so hot.” –Brooke

Do people actually talk to each other like this in relationships? This is like a Hallmark movie times a million.

I’m sorry I can’t stop laughing right now. THIS GIRL HAS 16 GUYS COMPETING FOR HER. AND SHE STILL CAN’T DECIDE. If I had 16 guys competing for me, I honestly don’t know what I would do, but I am 100% positive I would not make a love potion with them. 100% positive.

I would totally choose Ari by the way. He’s a race car driver and Jeff is an entrepreneur. We all know “entrepreneur” is code for I don’t really know what I do.

O MY GOSH THE AUIDENCE IS CRYING. THIS IS GOLD.

This girl has 16 boyfriends practically handed to her, I don’t even have one five. WHY IS SHE FEELING SORRY FOR HERSELF? Honestly, do the American women a favor and make a decision.

Good she chose Jeff. Ari deserves someone better….me.

I watched Best in Show last night. Everyone needs to watch that movie. It was hilarious on so many levels.

I went to the pool today. I didn’t know they sold bikinis for 4-year-olds.

I worked at VBS this past week. They changed the words of “I’m Sexy and I Know It” to “God Loves Me and I Know It” I am sorry, but as much as I love VBS that is just too much.

Okay, its official guys I am the future bachelorette.

YOU ARE WELCOME.
 

Monday, July 16, 2012

Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone Earn the Gold Medal, and Thank you


HAPPY MONDAY.

Even though there is no such thing as a “Happy Monday” I wish you the happiest possible day today.

I rearranged my room for the first time in a bagillion years. In the process I found six plastic tiaras. I must think I am a princess. Oh wait…I am.

Okay I have seen a lot of weird commercials lately. For example: the girls on the “Always” commercials look WAY too happy to be on their period.

And all these Olympic endorsements are getting old. These athletes make me feel so out of shape.  Sometimes I think the Olympics is just a conspiracy to make fat people feel fatter and start exercising.

As everyone should know by now, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are getting divorced. I TOTALLY CALLED THIS FIVE YEARS AGO. I’m sorry, but Tom Cruise is the cheesiest person on the face of the Earth. I laughed at everything he said in Mission Impossible, NOT because it was funny, because he is just SOO cheesy. I put Tom Cruise and Justin Beiber in the, “I Can’t Believe People By This Crap” category in my brain.

I am happy for Katie Holmes though. She deserves someone much taller than Tom Cruise.

Poor Suri, she almost got sent on a cruise for Scientologists, according to People Magazine. The word on the street is Katie left Tom because of Scientology, but I think it was because she was taller than Tom. I mean it had to get awkward after a while.

I CLEANED MY CAR. Words can’t describe how horrible it was. I found five apple cores. I don’t even eat apples that much. I blame my brother. I also found a full bag of Starburst so SCORE.

This week I am working at VBS at Hope. I am the crazy volunteer that dances to all the songs and gets into all the moves and pretends like she’s Britney Spears. Yes, that is me. No shame.

I saw SpriderMan for the second time. It was just as good as the first time. I was talking to one of my friends and we were saying how bad it would be if Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield broke-up. I mean you can’t get any better than them. Anyone else would be such a disappointment…..unless it was me.

Today is my 80th blog post!!! I just want to thank every single person who has ever read my blog. I love hearing your feedback, commentating on the world, answering your questions, and most of all hopefully putting a smile on your face. Thank you. 

YOU ARE WELCOME.  

Thursday, July 12, 2012

YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY PLUS SO MUCH MORE.


The last few days I have had the pleasure of educating young minds. That’s right Brooke has been working with young children.

I am a great influence.
I have actually been teaching math to 1st and 2nd graders. The Indian and Chinese kids in that class are really not helping the “Smart Indian and Asian” sterotype. Seriously one of the kids is doing Algebra.

In 2nd grade I was coloring my math homework instead of actually doing it.

That obviously does not help in later life, but it was fun while it lasted.

TONIGHT IS THE BEST NIGHT OF THE ENTIRE YEAR. BIG BROTHER IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who don’t know, Big Brother is my absolute, hands down, FAVERITE show. Some may say Big Brother is stupid. My response, you are just jealous.

I totally recommend watching Big Brother. If you are confused LET ME KNOW. I will totally explain for you.

I am going to do a YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY because I am backed up with questions, so here here go!

Also coming soon is a review!!! I am not going to tell you what it is because I don’t want to spoil the surprise. But it will be posted tomorrow or Saturday.

QUESTION TIME.

1) If a guy has every single quality of a 5 except that he is more attractive than you, does that automatically make him a 4?

Fabulous question. Yes, sadly if a guy has all the qualities to be a five and is more attractive than you he is a four. YOU WANT TO BE THE PRETTY ONE ON THE CHRISTMAS CARD.

2) Alright Brooke I've got a problem. First good news! I found a five. He's great. Tall blonde good looking (but not as much as me haha) athletic smart fluent in several languages well traveled. He's the son of my dads business partner and he's a year older then me (I'm going to be a senior in high school this fall). He sorta likes me, but lives an hour and a half away, which was bad enough but now he's going to college even further! I'm seriously going to miss him and I want him to be with me! I guess I don't know what to do!

Congrats on finding a five! You have a bit of a dilemma though :(. The question you need to ask yourself is, “Do I want a long distance relationship and is he worth it?” If it were me, I would move on. The fact is, there isn’t just one five for you. There are fives EVERYWHERE. I say, find another guy and if your five really likes you he will fight for you. Go all Hunger Games. Not really though. But seriously.

3) What is your favorite Summer trend?

 Retro sunglasses. I think I have 10 pairs. I can’t help it. I need a pair of sunglasses to go with every outfit.

4) Ryan Lochte or Michael Phelps?

WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME CHOOSE????? In my fantasy I have both. So, I plead the fifth.

5) Where do shop at the most?

I hate shopping. It honestly stresses me out. I can do homework for five hours and not get stressed but if I shop for one hour I am a goner. But, I really like boutiques around town. The Hall Tree is one of my favorite boutiques. But, if you want a more mainstream store; I buy a lot of clothes from Lucky Brand. They don’t have a store in Iowa, but I think there is one in the Twin Cites and Omaha.

6) How do I get a five?

Can’t help you. I am still trying to figure that out myself.

That’s it for YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY! If you have questions on anything and everything please email them to me at brooketheblogger@aol.com I promise you will remain anonymous.

Watch Big Brother tonight!!!!!!!

YOU ARE WELCOME.

COMING SOON TO A COMPUTER NEAR YOU: The (Blank) Review

Get pumped.  

Thursday, July 5, 2012

I Don't Like Fireworks


Call me crazy but I really do not like fireworks. Some people are afraid of spiders. I am not afraid of fireworks though, I just don’t like fireworks. Fireworks are loud and I spend the entire show thinking that part of the falling firework is going to fall on me and I will die. So yes, Brooke’s biggest fear is fireworks.

I thought my Grey’s Anatomy obsession was over. I was wrong. Very very wrong. I have watched five episodes in the past two days. I honestly cannot get enough of Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy.

Magic Mike changed my life. If you forget about the plot then Magic Mike is the best movie in the world. It is really a bummer for the female population that Matt Bomer is gay. The male population better be nice to him.

On top of that, Channing Tatum and Matthew McConaughey are married. IT IS JUST NOT FAIR.  I almost started crying when I figured that out.

In that one movie, what is it called……The Vow! If I was the girl and I woke up and did not remember anything and Channing Tatum told me he was my husband, I would welcome it. No questions asked.

I also saw The Amazing Spiderman last night. It was AWESOME. Everyone should go see it. Andrew Garfield is incredible. And Emma Stone is my hero.

If I was Spidergirl I would be the best. I am 99% sure I would die within three days of being Spidergirl, but I would be pretty awesome while I was alive.

I am aware that it is YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY but I am having too much fun writing this right now. So I will just be backed up next week, BUT KEEP SENDING ME QUESTIONS. To brooketheblogger@aol.com.

I made a key lime pie yesterday. My dad gave it a 9 out of 10. I know he is bias but for me to get a 9 on a culinary masterpiece is like me getting an Oscar. I think I am getting good at cooking. As long as we disregard the burnt lemon bars I made this morning. But, I am writing Betty Crocker a letter because I swear on my three legged dog that the box told me to keep the lemon bars in the oven too long. Therefore not my fault.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

 I take it back I just had one of my burnt lemon bars, they are actually pretty good.

Now, YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

NBC Can Thank Me.


I am sorry for not blogging in forever I have been staring at Ryan Loche’s abs.

Now that the Men’s Swimming Olympic Trials are over I can resume my normal functions.

Some sports on the Olympics are just plain boring. I mean when Michael Phelps or Ryan Locte are not swimming I totally loose interest. I mean what is exciting about watching someone swim a few lengths of a pool.

I am pretty positive I could swim as fast as those swimmers. I placed first in my first swim race ever. I gave up right after, I peaked earlier than most.

Anyway I have discovered how to make Olympic sports more entertaining. NBC will thank me when their ratings go through the roof.

Swimming. Instead of swimming in just a normal Olympic sized swimming pool I have a better idea. I propose filling the pool with leeches, sting rays, piranhas, and electric eels. Think about how exciting it would be. Instead of just swimming, swimmers would have to navigate through the water in hopes of getting the best time and not being bit by leeches, sting rays, piranhas, and electric eels. It is pure brilliance.

Gymnastics. I propose that when someone falters on the beam three times the judges have a button; and when the judges push the button, the beam breaks in half. Therefore eliminating the gymnast from competition. The same could be done on the uneven bars. Also in Men’s Gymnastics they could just cut off one of the rings when the performance gets brutal. On floor exercise if a gymnast makes three hops they take the floor out from under them and they fall into a pit of foam blocks.

That would be kind of fun.

I think my ideas will reinvent gymnastics. Honestly, I am just helping them out. They should thank me.

I have already written about my ideas for revolutionizing track and field. Man eating dogs chasing after the runners to make them run faster. The usual.

NO ONE WILL GET HURT IN THE REINVENTED SPORTS. The man-eating dogs will disappear when they get too close. And the leeches, sting rays, piranhas, and electric eels will vanish on contact. Just the athletes won’t know that.

Anyway, I don’t see the Olympics in my future anytime soon, unless they add a “Spotting Fives” category. For that, I would win gold.

I am sending my ideas to the Olympic Committee. Just wait in four years the newest sport will be, “Extreme Swimming” and “Mind-Boggling Track”, JUST WAIT.

Have a fantasticly wonderful day.

YOU ARE WELCOME.