A Year in Review: Happy Birthday to Your Daily Dose of Brooke

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY IS THE ONE YEAR MARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I have been thinking about what to possibly blog about today and I am really coming up dry. You see I was going to revamp the Ranking System but why would I mess with something that works??? ALSO OH MY GOSH I haven’t been blogging a ton recently so y’all don’t know but in the last few months Brooke has met several fives. THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE.

Today what I am going to do is instead to a year in review. If you have read Bridget Jones Diary you know what I am talking about.

THE DAILY DOSE OF BROOKE YEAR IN REVIEW:

1)      90 posts in 365 days

2)      I taught you all how to rid your home of campaign callers

3)      Stereotyped Asian people on several occasions. Please, Asians take it as a compliment.

4)      Emphasized the importance of gentlemen

5)      Predicted two out of the five Oscars that I called.

6)      Made it clear, you take ONE MIRROR PICTURE OR SELFIE AND I LOSE ALL RESPECT FOR YOU.

7)      Solved the world’s problems. I still think we should sell the national monuments. THINK ABOUT WHAT PRIVATE ENTERPRISE CAN DO WITH THE GIFT SHOPS!!!!!

8)      Introduced a new holiday: Looking for Fives Day

9)      Addressed my PTSD with French Camp.

10)   You all met Sensai. That’s how I spell it, haters.

11)   Continued my trophy wife training.

12)   Came to the conclusion Tuesdays are the worst day of the week.

13)   Blogged from the line.

14)   Created the pants dance.

15)   Wrote about the human stage.

16)   Discovered that PIMP actually means “Peeing in my pants”

17)   Expressed the importance of watching Breaking Dawn with your Dad on prom night, because it is good for character development.

18)   Published The Phases of a One Direction Fan

19)   Created the charity FEED THE LIONS.

20)   Reviewed Takeout. Because people trust me Brooke knows her takeout.

21)   Interviewed a self-proclaimed five.

22)   Reviewed slushies.

23)   Exposed what BOY SCOUTS DOESN'T TEACH YOU.

24)   Got the ball rolling for production of Magic Mike in 3D.

25)   Became Charles Darwin’s biggest fan.

26)   Married a Men’s Olympic Swimmer in my dreams.

27)   Comforted my fear of fireworks.

28)   Established that Brooke Problems > Your Problems

29)   Diversity killed the cat.

30)   Discovered love does not exist if Kurt and Blaine don’t get back together.

31)   Had a Kiki

32)   Met the love of my life at Starbucks. I still don’t know his name.

WOW. And that’s just from looking at the titles of the blog posts. SO WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE I WROTE ABOUT INSIDE THEM????!!!!??

Well if I can do this many awesome things in one year imagine how many awesome things I can do in TWO YEARS. The party is just beginning.

Have a great New Year and don’t do anything I wouldn't do!!!!! THAT LEAVES YOUR OPTIONS OPEN.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A KIKI IS?????!!!

This hottie has pneumonia. In other words I can’t say three words without having a coughing attack. I am on my fifth day and I don’t feel any better. To top it off the sheer amount of drugs I am on right now scares me. 

I am just going to come out and say it. Les Miserables was disappointing. Frankly the hype made it sound like I was walking into the greatest movie of the year.

I really could do with a little dialogue. I don’t think EVERYTHING needed to be sung, I am sorry but when you try to fit a five syllable sentence into a four syllable singing line IT JUST DOESN'T WORK. My biggest problem was it was predictable, I saw the show on stage when I was six, but I didn't remember any of it when I went to see it recently. I called that entire show. Within 10 minutes I knew the ending.

The plot for me dragged on. For a good ¼ of the movie I was sitting there thinking, “WHAT IS GOING ON??????” Granted, the ending of the movie tied some strings up for me, but in the end I was simply disappointed.

The biggest problem I have with Les Miserables is everyone is like “OMG IT WAS SO GOOD”, people it is getting to the point where I think people are just saying it’s good because everyone else thinks it’s good.

The bottom line is Les Miserables will not win Best Picture. It’s too generic and not edgy enough for the Academy. Will it win some awards? Yes, but not best actor or best actress. I would put my money on Helena Bonham Carter winning best supporting actress, and they will obviously will win best soundtrack.

Best Picture this year will go to Lincoln. Now that was a brilliant piece of cinema. I have seen a lot of great movies but Lincoln was stunning. It was spot on historically, the acting literally made me want to fall out of my chair, and just the overall story makes Les Miserables look miserable in comparison. Did you catch that pun?????

Finally I predict that Argo and Lincoln walk away with the most awards at the end of both the Golden Globes and the Oscars.

And I will be right.

The fiscal cliff.  I don’t care whether you are a republican or a democrat if you are elected to congress DO YOUR JOB. I think someone needs to teach these parties how to compromise. These politicians obviously never got much of an education because that haven’t realized yet, you can’t get everything you want. And the argument being made in congress right now, which we don’t need to cut spending is ABSURD. And I am questioning and worried about the sanity of anyone who thinks the debt isn't a big deal. WAKE UP PEOPLE AMERICA IS TURNING INTO GREECE. The debt shouldn't be a party issue and the fact that it is just shows how uneducated politicians are these days.

I say we lock congress in a room without food, water, and toilets THEN WE WILL SEE HOW FAST THEY MAKE A DEAL. Also I think cutting their pay in half is justified if we go over the fiscal cliff.  I should run this country, and then we would actually get something done.

I never commented on the recent election, so now that I have had some time to mull over my thoughts I am going to. First, just because this election you decided to get involved in the political process, doesn't make you educated in politics in the slightest. You see, politics is ever changing and it takes years of observing to be able to comment and argue effectively. I myself have watched Meet the Press every Sunday morning since I was in first grade and have spent the last ten years of my life attending rallies, arguing with politicians, asking questions, and simply observing. And still after a decade I am nowhere near as educated as I would like to be, but I am a whole lot better off than 50% of America.

Now that the election is over I am elated. Because all the people who think they are politically educated can stop making fools of themselves. You see when you have followed politics long enough to see a change in power and can argue either side of an issue then I will respect you. Until then I am 100% positive nearly half of America is uneducated.

These drugs are fabulous. Other than the fact that I can’t keep food down, their grrrrrrrrrrreat.

I recently met people who didn’t know what a kiki is. I AM IN SHOCK. IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT A KIKI IS YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE WORLD. Seriously, IT’S A KIKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just had to get that off my chest. “LOCK THE DOORS, COVER THE BLINDS, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL COMING OVER” You just need to know what a kiki is. If you don’t know what one is call me. We will work this out.

I am going to close on this note. A spoiler came out the other day saying Kurt and Blaine are getting back together on my birthday. I THINK RYAN MURPHY PLANNED THIS!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO RYAN MURPHY IS A DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH. I wish I was his kid.

Finally, I invite you all to check my vlog! Just search Getting Down with Brooke and Julia on Youtube and its one of the first hits! Become and subscriber and please send questions.

ONE MORE THING. I am going to be starting of YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY again and I need some fresh questions so please email to brooketheblogger@aol.com with your burning questions, and of course you will be totally anonymous!

Have a fabulous New Year and don’t get to drunk.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

HELLO WORLD.

If one more person makes an Apocalypse joke then I am convinced the world will actually end. DON’T JINX IT PEOPLE.

I arrived home from a band trip last night at 1:30 in the morning, in other words, Brooke was a walking sassy zombie. I’m not joking I told three freshmen if they screamed one more time I would make sure their vocal cords never worked again. So let me change my title, Brooke was a walking scary and sassy zombie. Travel was not advised last night so it makes perfect sense to drive a charter bus with 50 people on it home. Three people died on the highway this week, because of the ice. I COULD HAVE DIED. Although, I have been technically dead on this blog for a few months so you wouldn't know the difference.

There was so much PDA on the band trip. I would be willing to bet half of the band is dating each other. I am going to be completely honest; the minute you do PDA I lose ALL respect for you. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU MAKING OUT OR CUDDLING ON A BUS. Please someone explain to me, what is so romantic about bus seats??!! I really wanted a spray bottle of holy water and to walk up and down the aisles spraying the PDAers and yelling, “JESUS LOVES YOU!!!” The people behind me talked about their sex life and how if her mom finds out they are going to have a talk at the kitchen table with her mother. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THAT.

I think I am emotionally damaged. On top of it more than half of the couples didn't leave each other’s sides the entire trip. It’s like they were entirely dependent of one another. If the other one left the persons sight, just count down from 10 and I promise the other one will show up, I would put money on that. What happened to independence? We live in America, you should be able to walk to the bathroom by yourself or talk to someone about something other than your counterpart. So what I learned? If relationships are like the relationships I saw on the band trip, I want to marry my dog and stay single forever.

In other news Kurt and Blaine are still broken up. I think Ryan Murphy is testing how strong I am, just to see if I will survive this break up. IT HAS BEEN TOUGH. Seriously, I will go about my day and all a sudden I will think, “KURT AND BLAINE BROKE UP” and then I will cry inside. I think I should start journaling my feeling, that’s what Oprah would tell me to do.

I have a problem. Scratch that, I have many problems. I didn't start Christmas shopping until today. Christmas really sneaked up on me this year. I don’t even know what I want. So I am telling everyone I want world peace and Darren Criss. But today, there were more people at the mall then there was at all the Twilight midnight movie premieres combined. PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN TO WALK. I hate window shoppers. If you are just walking along and breathing in the bacteria infested air, I want to kill you. I have places to be. If you don’t have a game plan when you walk in the mall, you need to walk out.

Yesterday I met the love of my life. I was in line at Starbucks at the band convention, and the guy behind me was 6’4, had curly brown hair, and was wearing a hipster scarf. I cannot believe how forward I was. I TURNED AROUND AND ASKED HIM WHERE HE WAS FROM. I know crazy?? He was from Alabama and is a political science and economics major at the University of Alabama. He plays the trombone and loves jazz music. Also he told me I am funny and cute. HE TOLD ME THAT. OMG OMG OMG. We talked for like 10 minutes in line and he ordered a pumpkin spice latte. His drink came before mine and I figured he would just leave. He waited. And I was totally thrown off, so when my drink came I just took it and turned and said, “It was nice meeting you” and I walked away.

Here is my problem: I FORGOT TO ASK HIM HIS NAME. Seriously, Brooke you talk to him for 10 minutes and you forget to ask him his name!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????!!! Sooooooo, IF ANYONE KNOWS A FRESHMAN POLITICAL SCIENCE AND ECONOMICS MAJOR AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA WHO LIKES PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES CONTACT ME ASAP. I AM SERIOUS GUYS HE COULD HAVE BE MY FUTURE HUSBAND.

My phone case looks like it has been put in a blender. I just thought I’d say that.

Okay I am going to address the elephant in the room, why have I not been blogging????? Well for a long time people have been telling me, “Brooke, make a vlog.” And I never have, but I made one. My friend Julia and I are the hosts of Getting Down with Brooke and Julia. So for the last few months I have been focusing on that. But now that it is up and running I am confident I will be able to maintain this blog and vlog. I like logs.

If one more person tells me their New Year’s Resolution is to lose weight I am going to kick a chair. PEOPLE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. That’s the biggest problem with the world these days. We are always judging each other. The fact is most girls will never be able to walk a runway. I myself never will because if I am ever a size 0 let me tell you THAT WILL BE WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, and two I don’t want to stop eating Chinese food. But as far as I am concerned embrace the curves. People need to stop trying to become someone else and instead realize just how fantastically awesome they already are. So if you are a teenager and your News Years Resolution is to lose weight, you need to reassess how fantastic you are.

I am reading a free reading book. It’s awesome. I forgot how much I love reading.

Chances are if you have been following this blog for a while you know I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions or any sort of resolution for that matter. So I am not going to sit here and tell you I will be updating so many times a week, because I will break it. So instead I am going to tell you I have a lot of opinions and as long as the earth is still around, and I have wifi I will keep blogging.

YOU ARE WELCOME.