Brooke Problems.

I am really confused of the point of the song “Some Nights” I mean please just listen to the song. Don’t get me wrong it is a very catchy song but the lyrics are just confusing.

“I look into my nephews eyes”  

“Its best we keep our distance”

“What do I stand for?”  

“This is it boy, this is war.

” Jack my style”

“I miss my mom and dad for this”

“I could use some friends for a change”

I am really at a loss right now. I can’t even try to comprehend this song.

Yesterday was the biggest Brooke Problem day of my entire life. August 24^th will go down in history as Brooke Problem day. Just wait in 10 years there will be parades.   

I have to get to school at 6:10 every morning for squad leader meetings before marching band. Yesterday I woke up at 5:55. In other words I missed the squad leader meeting. Brooke Problem.

Then I was walking onto the field for marching band, and pulling out my coordinate sheet, (a coordinate sheet is used in marching band to tell the person where they are marching to) and instead of my coordinate sheet I pulled out my schedule. Yep that’s right I brought my schedule for school to marching band. Brooke Problem

AS IF THINGS COULD NOT GET WORSE, I ran to my car because I needed my gloves for colorguard and only found one glove. The other one was missing. Brooke Problem.

After marching band as I was driving I was changing my shoes. I looked down at my passenger seat and realized something very very bad. I brought two different shoes. One red flat and one flip flop. They don’t even look alike. Brooke Problem.

By then it was only 8:00.

In math class I swear the kid next to me had a knife in his pocket. Brooke Problem.

At lunch they ran out of fruit punch. Brooke Problem.

I got homework. Like a lot of homework. Like “I shouldn’t be blogging right now” type of homework. Brooke Problem.

After school I get to my car. I have a parking ticket. IT’S THE FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL AND I HAVE A PARKING TICKET. Apparently I was parked in the wrong place and I wasn’t in between the lines. Brooke Problem.

The amount of Brooke Problem’s I have is exhausting. If you have been having a tough week I hope that puts things into perspective for you. It is tough to be me.

My poor parents.

Big Brother is the only thing keeping me together right now. I would talk about Big Brother but I am 99.9% positive none of you watch it. So all I am going to say is Frank is the world biggest loser and Dan is the man.

For those of you who care deeply about me, my cold is getting better. I am only using half a Kleenex box a day!!!!!!!!!! But I am getting at least one bloody nose a day. BUT, I can breathe out of my left nostril every so often!!!!!

OH MY GOSH!! I forgot about the biggest Brooke Problem of all!!!!!! Yesterday I got pulled over by a cop.

The cop and I actually got along really well. I didn’t have my head lights on all the way so he taught me. He asked me if I had been anywhere with drugs or alcohol and I responded with, “I’m in band. What do you think?” He thought it was funny.

Recently I have been asking myself a question, why did women fight for equal rights? I mean, all I want to do is: watch Netflix, eat, dance it up, watch Dance Moms, drive around, go on Pinterest, watch Big Brother party, or shop. And if women didn’t have to be educated I could still do that. I really think the women who fought for rights were thinking very short term. I mean basically all women are forced to go to school and work and if I don’t want to do that I look lazy.

But, I do like the right to vote. We should keep that. And education is good to sometimes. I am rather bipolar about women’s rights.

I am picturing all the feminists out in the world shooting me daggers. Please don’t kill me. I just want to watch Dance Moms in peace.

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QUESTIONS? brooketheblogger@aol.com

My Parents > Your Parents

A couple weeks ago my dad came home and informed me he was ready to buy songs for the first time on iTunes.

Keep in mind my dad has had his iPhone for almost five months.

He came home with a napkin covered with songs he wanted front and back. Most of the songs are from the 60’s and 70’s but then amongst the oldies is Rolling In the Deep. My dad loves his Adele.

It took an hour. We had to listen to every single song preview in full length so he could decide if he still wanted the song.

One hour later I discovered I have made a very bad decision helping my dad buy his music.

My dad always plays his music. There is never a moment of silence. The man is beginning to think he is a DJ.

For example, want to go to bed? Nope, the music is playing.

Want to have a conversation? Nope, the music is playing.

Want to watch TV? Nope, the music is playing.

Want to play tennis? Nope, he plays music during the tennis game.

I don’t think he has discovered the volume device.

I think it is kinda funny. I don’t think my mom thinks it is as funny though.

This AP Lit summer reading is becoming the death of me. I am determined to finish The One Who Flee Over the Cookoo’s Nest, but I keep falling asleep while I am reading it.

About a week ago I was convinced the Michael Phleps and I were going to get married. Not anymore. He is dating an aspiring model/cocktail waitress. I am worth more than that. He does not deserve me. Sorry Michael.

Whole Foods opening has encouraged my mother to stock up for the apocalypse. She is averaging going to Whole Foods three times a week. I am a big fan of the tomato sauce and the ice cream…but I can’t handle the organic fruit. The apples are like eating sponges.

I HAVE SO MUCH TO BLOG ABOUT.

This post is slowing becoming a post about my parents. I can’t help it, they are too cute.

My parents go to CostCo every Saturday. Everyone and their dog is at CostCo on Saturdays. So my parents are trying to set a record for getting through CostCo the fastest on a Saturday. So far, we have had a 5:02 and a 6:30. It is seriously pure entertainment.

I think I might tape it. You all should try to get through CostCo as fast as you can on a Saturday and then send me your time. We can make this a competition. The biggest problem you will face is grabbing a sample on the go. It takes skill. Also avoiding young children has proven to be a challenge.

I have found one problem with the Olympics. The commentators. For example, the swimming commentators would be like, “Phelps is going to win” BEFORE Phleps actually won. I mean Phelps did win BUT Phelps could have drowned. You can’t call a race that early, THE SWIMMER COULD STILL DROWN. Or in track the commentators would call the race before the winner crossed the finish line. THE RUNNER COULD TRIP. These people are not taking everything into account.

Okay, I have to stop blogging now. I am having too much fun for my own good. TOMORROWS POST IS ABOUT BROOKE’S MOST RECENT BROOKE PROBLEMS. There are quite a few. :)

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I Can't Breathe Out of My Nose

I haven’t been able to breath out of my nose for two weeks. My mom has been telling me, “Oh Brooke, it will be over tomorrow. It’s a cold it has to run its course.” WHAT A LOAD OF GARBAGE. After 14 days, 12 Kleenex boxes, 3 neti pots, and constant agony, Brooke’s mother took Brooke to the doctor.

It has been one hour and I am feeling better already. One improvement, I can breathe out of my left nostril. That is like walking on the moon in my world.

I would strongly recommend never using a neti pot. I would compare using a neti pot to water boarding.  I have never been water boarded, but I would not be surprised if the United States uses neti pots as torture devices on terrorists. It they don’t they should start.

My social media networks are filled with everyone’s school schedules. I AM FLATTERED THAT YOU WANT TO BE IN A CLASS WITH ME, but seriously if you are still worried about eating lunch by yourself then I think it’s time to take a walk.

In my opinion I think Americans gain more weight during the Olympics then all the holidays for ten years combined. Assuming you are all like me and spent the last two weeks watching hot guys do amazing things while I sat and ate out of the ice cream container, I was too lazy to grab a bowl.

The Olympics. The Olympics has helped me enormously in one category, I have spent the entire Olympics deciding which country my next boyfriend is going to be from.  I am leaning towards either the Australians or the Prince Harry. I also want him to be either an Olympic swimmer, men’s gymnast, diver, Brazilian beach volleyball player, or track and field star. So in other words, I’m not picky.

Gabby Douglas is like the coolest person ever. I am so happy for her. You can tell how genuine she is and she really deserves this. I went to Chows for five years. It took five years but I finally nailed that cartwheel. My mom was Chow’s son’s teacher. And she convinced Chow to get his son a dog. I feel like a celebrity.

Okay everyone spent the entire Olympic Games talking about Ryan Lochte. I don’t see what is so great about him. He is SO cocky, he has a bigger closet than me, and he wears gangster shoes and a grill. I can’t stand him. THE MAN IS 28 GROW UP. He is a two.

Usian Bolt annoys me so much too. He and Ryan Lochte are the text book definition of cocky. I think the United States needs to put millions of dollars into beating Usian Bolt. The United States should not be losing the 100 meters. Especially to Usian Bolt.

The Attitude of the United States:

During the Olympics: “THE UNITED STATES IS GREATEST COUNRTY IN THE WORLD. WE WILL KILL YOU ALL ON THE BATTLEFIELD WITH OUR 10 AIRCRAFT CARRIERS.”

When the Olympics is not going on: “The United States sucks, I am moving to Canada”

PARTY ON.

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