Running for Dummies

My brother just texted me, “Keep Calm and Look For Fives” coolest brother ever.

I ran the mile today. I am not a runner. I prefer to power walk. I honestly think I walk faster than I run. Let’s just be honest people, NO ONE LOOKS CUTE WHEN THEY RUN. NO ONE. You might think you look cute, you don’t.

Sorry the truth hurts.

My running is basically walking fast with a slight hop in my step. That is what I call running. I totally recommend it, and to add greater effect just move your arms back and forth faster than your legs are moving. Your arms give the allusion that you are actually running fast. I swear it is the greatest thing I have come up with.

Okay Aresino won The Celebrity Apprentice?????!!!??? FOR REAL DONALD TRUMP??? REALLY?? I used to respect you. Just know Mr. Trump, I will be your boss someday and you will be the one getting fired.

Potato chips are so mean. You really can’t just eat one. It is literally impossible. If you can I have a lot of respect for you.

When Adam Levine sings “Harder to Breath” I have troubles breathing. I am on the floor dying. Adam Levine is a four. He is more attractive than me.

Just ate another potato chip. I need to stop. Nope ate another one. I feel bad. But I really don’t. I need self-control.

I would say have a Happy Monday, but that is not really possible.

YOU ARE WELCOME.