An Interview with a Self-Proclaimed Five

The moment you have all been waiting for has come. An interview with a Self-Proclaimed Five: Sam.

First we are going to go through the requirements to be a five and see if Sam meets them. Then Sam will answer the questions you asked.

To recap, a five is the highest possible rating on the Ranking System of Brooke scale. The following are requirements to be a five:

IF YOU ARE A FIVE:

· Think Prince Harry.FIVES MUST BE LESS ATTRACTIVE THAN YOU.

· Awesome car

· ACT- 36 SAT- 2400

· Amazing job

· Fluently speaks three languages

· Gets above 80% on the name compatibility test

· Has hidden talents

· Hilarious

Is Sam less attractive than you?

Look in the mirror and decide.

Does Sam have an awesome car? I asked him.

Can you drive? Yes. Driving forward, I would consider myself an excellent driver. Driving backward, I am an awful driver. I have backed into cars multiple times and have backed into my garage door.

Would you classify your car as awesome? No... I would classify it as extremely awesome.

Does your car have a name? No. Words or names can't describe the illustrious beauty of my car, which I spent about an hour and a half deep cleaning tonight. It is shiny. And it smells good.

Have you ever received any tickets or been in a crash? No tickets. The only thing you could classify as a crash would be the above information about backing into parked cars. But nothing involving another moving vehicle. And when I did back into cars, the damage was not severe.

Noted.

What did Sam get on his ACT or SAT? I asked him.

ACT or SAT score? ACT 36

Didn't see that one coming. Noted.

Does Sam have a job? I asked him.

Have you solved world hunger? I have not. However, I will be doing research in Mexico for two months this summer at the research center (CIMMYT) where Dr. Norman Borlaug developed a new wheat variety that saved over one billion people's lives. So I'm working on this one.

Noted.

Here lies the deal-breaker can Sam speak three languages? I recently learned that only 10% of the world can speak three languages.

How many languages do you speak? 3.5: English, Music, Romance, and somewhat Spanish (something which I hope to perfect this summer). Yes, music is a language. Yes, romance is a language. Check my Facebook, and you will see this is true.

I am not so sure about this “romance” language I have not seen it in action. Noted.

Does Sam get above 80% on the name compatibility test.?

This is for you at home. Type in Sam’s name and see what it gets with your name.

Does Sam have hidden talents?  I asked him.

What are some hidden talents that you hide to the public? I like to make videos. Most people don't know that. I also make the world's best homemade mac and cheese. I have a well-guarded secret that makes it delicious. And no, it's not your typical mac and cheese. It is classy as heck.

I want to try this mac and cheese. For all I know it could just be from a box. But, noted.

Finally is Sam hilarious? I asked him.

On a scale of 1-10 how hilarious are you? Can I really judge myself on hilarity? I suppose I'm about a 7 or 8? Depends whom you ask? This question stresses me out.

I asked ten anonymous people on a scale of one to ten how hilarious was Sam? The average score was 7.5. Noted.

The time has come, for me to rank Sam. I am not going to lie when I finished reading the interview I was a little shocked. COULD IT BE TRUE????

Congratulations Sam, I Brooke proclaim you, Sam a five.

You are now in an elite group of people. If I were you I would put this on your resume. Barak Obama is a three. You have something on the president.

Now that I have proclaimed Sam a five let’s get to know him a little better.

How old are you? 18 AND A HALF

If you didn’t know how old you were how old would you be? 22 AND A HALF

Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Living in another country doing plant research.

What do you look for in a significant other? I prefer to not ever have to look inside of a person. That's kinda creepy. Unless I'm a doctor doing surgery. But I guess I would prefer that my significant other has organs and stuff.

How long has it taken you to become a five? 17 years.

Do you believe in Santa Claus? I believe that the Santa Clauses at the mall exist. However, I'm afraid to say I don't believe in one single Jolly Old Saint Nicholas who plops out of chimneys and sneakily distributes gifts.

Coke or Pepsi? I don't drink pop/soda. Last time I had any was before sixth grade. Not because I don't like it... I do. I would just prefer that my stomach not be eaten away and would prefer to not be obese.

Has The Ranking Scale of Brooke helped you become a better person? Of course. It has shown me the path to becoming as excellent as I can be.

Would you recommend males everywhere use The Ranking System of Brooke to be the best person they can be? Anyone who doesn't recommend The Ranking System is crazy.

If you were a female would you like Prince Harry or Prince William? I really don't know whom either of them are... So this is difficult for me to say. However, I know that Brooke likes Prince Harry, so I'm going to trust her judgment and go with Prince Harry.

What are your thoughts on Kate Middleton? She's married to an English royalty dude. That's about all I know. Oh and I have a coffee cup with her face on it. Our family received it as a gift. Don't judge.

Favorite Kardashian and why? I can only name one, because I don't know any of the other ones, and that one person is Kim. So I guess Kim is my favorite. And my least favorite. And everything in between.

Wow. A five. Less than one percent of the male population are fives, so if you are not in a state of shock like I am right now, you’re not human.

A FIVE EXISTS.