HOW TO PASS ALL YOUR FINALS

YOUR GUIDE TO AN AMAZING FINALS WEEK   

Sorry I have not blogged in awhile. I have been writing essays about horses that are not very pretty. You know what sucks? Finals. The following is my philosophy on finals.

1)      Teachers only give finals because they want to see how much I was not paying any attention to them.

2)      Before every final YOU MUST intake your body weight in food

3)      Stay up until two studying. The “get a good night sleep” is overrated.

4)      Eat lots of Chinese food. Asians are smart. They eat rice. Therefore if you eat rice. You will get good grades. IT WORKS.

5)      Do not blog when you should be studying.

6)      Set low goals. Such as, “I WANT A C+” *take test* “I GOT AN A-!!!!” *extremely happy*

7)      Take Film Appreciation Analysis

8)      Wear lucky socks. (PERSONALLY I USE THE SOCKS THAT I HAVE NOT WASHED IN AWHILE)

9)      I already said this. BUT I CANNOT STRESS IT ENOUGH. Eat Chinese food. Eat so much that HyVee will run out of rice. And crab ragoons. I know crab ragoons are not “authentic” Chinese food. Honestly, get over yourself.

I am only doing 9 things to remember about finals. Ten is cliche. I hope everyone passes their finals. REMEMBER if you follow my philosophy you will be awesome. Because I said so. My friends, you are welcome.

REMEMBER FIRST 100 MEMBERS GET INVITED TO ALL THE PARTIES. BECOME A MEMBER or you will fail all your finals. I am just kidding. No really you will fail. I am kidding. No really you will fail. I am kidding. I NEED TO STUDY FOR MATH. (INSERT ANGRY WORD HERE)