Daytime TV :(

I had cold chicken nuggets at lunch today AGAIN. I would be more than happy to teach the lunch ladies how to use a microwave. I may be a horrible cook but I have mastered the art of punching the numbers into the microwave.

What is going on with daytime TV?? Seriously, ever since Oprah ended daytime TV has been going down the drain. The Dr. Oz Show replaced Oprah. OMG. That is like broccoli replacing chocolate cake. Oprah was an artist. The Dr. Oz Show is a flop. WHAT HAPPENED TO GOOD SOAP OPERAS?? General Hospital used to be amazing. Now it is turning into Kourtney and Kim take Miami.  

Thank God John Bachman is retiring from WHO-13. He is the most spray tanned man I have ever seen in my life. Maybe Ed Wilson should retire too. Ed Wilson needs to stop tanning and gelling his hair. He looks like Hugh Hefner on steroids.

KEEP CALM AND LOOK FOR FIVES.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Mirror Pictures are Scary

Mirror pictures are the definition of lame. If you spend your free time in a bathroom taking pictures of yourself, it is time to get a hobby. Take up singing, jump rope, facebook creeping, hashtagging, and so much more. When I see your toilet in the background of your mirror picture, my respect for you goes out the window. Please save the world, one less mirror picture at a time.

I am not going to lie, I totally make fun of people doing mirror pictures. When I am in the mall, I love to do weird facial configurations and then call it “hot”. Or send pictures to my friends, of me doing an elaborate leg/arm/face pose (slightly resembling a spider) with the caption, “I am a angel”.

On top of all of that, if you have a Facebook Album entitled one of the following: “Pictures of Me”, “Me, Myself, and I”, or “(INSERT YOUR NAME) <3” Here is my advice, delete it. No one I wants to look at countless photos of mirror pictures. I would honestly rather watch PBS.

SAVE THE WORLD ONE LESS MIRROR PICTURE AT A TIME.  

YOU ARE WELCOME.

Untitled.

Behold, Untitled.

Why is the Redbox red?? I think they should invent a “Clearbox”. That way I can see the machine work. Imagine seeing the movie you chose go through the machine in a CLEAR BOX. I think it is brilliant.

Why is Chinese food so good? MSG FOR LIFE. MSG may cause cancer but, it makes Chinese food so good. It is totally worth the risk.  Fried rice is seriously the food of the gods. I could eat that all day. Those Asians are doing something right. I <3 Asians and their food.

What is the point of infomercials? To entertain me when nothing else good is on TV. Has anyone seen “Pajama Jeans”??? I am sorry but, if you are wearing pajamas that are supposed to look like jeans, you are redefining laziness.  

Guess who is not going to winter formal. THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE. I have better things to do. For example: go look for fives.

If you are just starting to read this blog, I have a feeling you do not know what a five is. It is not your average number. A five is the highest possible ranking for guys. I encourage you to read, “The Ranking System of Brooke”. You are about to be enlightened.

Am I the only one who thinks that Hermione Granger and Harry Potter should have gotten married; instead of Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley? Think about this: Harry and Hermione would have “power children”. Harry Potter’s bravery and Hermione Granger’s intelligence, their kids would be unstoppable. Voldemort would cry in a corner.

What is the point of medicine commercials?? Let’s just be honest. No one wants to see a Viagra commercial when they are sitting next to their parents on the couch. In fact, no one wants to see a Viagra commercial. The Cialis commercials are just as awkward. “Your ability to be reading when the moment is right”, the script writer needs to keep their opinions to themselves. That line just makes me feel awkward. On top of these crazy medicine commercials, the commercials spend half of the commercial telling me the side-effects or taking their “revolutionary drug”. If I hear a side effect such as, “Side effects include: back pain, headaches, trouble breathing, and constipation” I will never even think to use that medicine ever.   

Coming next Saturday, and every Saturday after is going to be a segment called, “SOLVING THE WORLDS PROBLEMS”. Get excited. 

YOU ARE WELCOME.

P.S. Please keep emailing questions to brooketheblogger@aol.com

Contact Update

If you have questions or tee-shirt ideas please email brooketheblogger@aol.com. New post later tonight. :)
Party on. YOU ARE WELCOME.

I CANNOT COOK.

I cannot cook to save my life.

Family Consumer Science in 7^th grade was a FAIL. I paid someone to thread my needle every day. I possibly forgot to put the lid on the blender before I pushed blend. I sewed my locker catty upside down. All the stuffing fell out of my snowman. In other words, the teacher told me not to become a housewife.

When it comes to cooking at home, I fail epically. The other day I attempted to make brownies. It is really hard to get the brownies out of the pan, if you forgot to spray the pan beforehand with PAM. I tried making eggs. But, The Today Show was on. And I forgot about the eggs. Therefore the eggs were not yellow. The eggs were black. Microwave popcorn and I do not get along either. If I make microwave popcorn there is a 99% chance that I will burn it. I attempted to make chocolate chip cookies. They were as hard as rocks. 

My mother cannot cook either. We both on average set the fire alarm off at least three times a week. I think my problem is, I get so easily distracted. Honestly though, who wants to watch eggs cook?? Not me. If I set a timer to remind me when my food is done, the timer always goes off during the climax of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. It is not like I can just stand up and finish cooking, I AM WATCHING A GOOD SHOW. That is why someone smart needs to invent something that will cook for me. All you Asians out there GET TO WORK.

Cooking is overrated. This is why I am adding a requirement to being a five. A five must be able to cook Italian food, Chinese food, Greek food, Fake-Mexican food, be a master of cleaning the kitchen, and be able to sew a button. If the five cannot make the food or sew the button, he has to be able to pay for the food, cleaning of the kitchen, and the sewing of the button. I really do not feel like I am asking a lot.

Next time your mother makes tuna surprise, look down at your plate and think, “It could be worse. Brooke could have made it.”

YOU ARE WELCOME.

YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY!!!

IT IS YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY!!! A quick note, last night this blog hit 1,000 views!!!! WE DID IT EVERYONE! Google is noticing us now. If you ever read this blog, thank you.
 
QUESTION TIME. I seriously love doing this.

1. Who is your dream celebrity date and what would you rate them on your scale/ why? I would totally date Ryan Gosling. He is a four. For one reason, he is more attractive than me. :(

2. What is one thing you would love to say to someone in person but are too afraid to? I would love to walk around schools dances with a spray bottle of Holy Water spraying all the people grinding and reciting “ Jesus loves you” That would be awesome.

3. What's your opinion on naughty dancing at dances? I am going to restate what I said in a previous blog. Fives do not grind. They waltz, salsa, twist, moonwalk, hula, shuffle, disco, Macarena, hip-hop, and they have a mean pirouette. I think that sums up how I feel about naughty dancing.

4. What is the perfect comfort food for any Friday or Saturday night when you're at home watching romantic comedies? I like to incorporate all the food groups, to be healthy. Grains: Doritos Vegetables: Ketchup Fruit: Sparkling grape juice Meat: Whatever you can find at Costco Dairy: Nacho Cheese Doritos. Then you are prepared to stare at fives all night long. WHILE BEING HEALTHY.

 Keep emailing questions!! The shirts are in the works. I will post a final design soon. Follow me on twitter @BloggingBrooke!

KEEP CALM AND LOOK FOR FIVES. New post tomorrow.

YOU ARE WELCOME

P.S. Coffee shops are good to blog in. I am surrounded by fives.

Just Some Stuff...Wednesday

Tomorrow is YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY!! But today is Just Some Stuff...Wednesday. :(

There is a new email for my blog. It is brooketheblogger@aol.com. Please email your questions to that email now!

The " KEEP CALM AND LOOK FOR FIVES" shirt is in the works. If I get 27 people committed to purchasing a shirt then the price of the shirt will go down. I believe the cost of one shirt right now is $13.00. If you are interested please email my new email. Tomorrow I will have a link to the shirt.

Also Your Daily Dose of Brooke is on twitter! Follow me at BloggingBrooke!

I had a orange juice slushie today. IT IS TIME FOR THE LUNCH LADIES TO READ MY BLOG.
Dear NBC,

My TV schedule was totally messed up because of the State of the Union address. I do not want to hear about the "State of the Union" I want to hear about "The State of Biggest Loser Contestants".

Party on. Keep looking for fives. YOU ARE WELCOME.