WHAT BOY SCOUTS DOESN'T TEACH YOU.

In some situations in life survival skills are needed. Boy Scouts can teach you some things but I can teach you more.

I am going to teach you what Boy Scouts doesn’t teach you.

When confronted by a moose you are supposed to become as big as you possibly can.

NO. That moose is totally going to kill you. Instead I recommend calling your mother and running in the opposite direction.

In order to keep mountain lions away you are supposed to wear a loud bell to scare the mountain lion off.

NO. I would personally bring your iPod and dance to Lady Gaga during your nature walk. Who knows, maybe the mountain lion will join in and you will have yourself a new friend.

When encountered by a wolf you are supposed to avoid eye contact and act submissive.

NO. Look the wolf in the eyes so the wolf can see what he is messing with. The wolf will obviously be intimidated and walk away.

When a bear is about to eat you, Boy Scouts recommends you to lie on the ground in a fetal position.

NO. NEVER. Instead this IS THE MOST IMPORTANT SURVIVAL SKILL OF ALL. When encountered by ANY wild animal who is about to eat you. YOU MUST drop your pants and pee where you are standing. MARK YOUR TERRITORY.

For example, when you are going to the bathroom and you walk into a stall with pee in the porcelain throne I bet that you turn around and find a new stall.  When someone marks there territory NO ONE messes with it.

Just pee where your standing and the animal will turn around.

I have just saved you all from ever dying in the wilderness.

YOU ARE WELCOME.