Overconfidence? No.

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I'm beautiful. But that's nothing new. 

WHY ISN"T SCHOOL OUT YET???!!!!  

Nothing is bugging me today. I am in a sort of zen. I feel like right now is when I insult the world in some way...but not today. I am just in a really good mood. 

Okay...so I walked away like 10 minutes ago from this blog post AND figured out my house is out of Popsicles. So that good mood, with rainbow and honey combs you just read above, IS GONE. Someone bring a cherry Popsicle. I just do not think I can handle the rest of this day with out my fix. I sound like a drug addict. I swear I do not do drugs. I'm too pretty for that stuff. 

Live the life people. YOU ARE WELCOME.

I GOT A B.

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I just found an unopened bag of "Cheetos". Life is good.

Pregnancy and Kim Kardashian just don't work together. If those were my feet I would cry. 

Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. Brooke got a B in French. I felt like I was going to cry tears of joy. The world is such a beautiful place now. I just want to walk around and smile at people. 

Due to Summer being just around the corner I have made a list of things you should do this Summer. 

1) Send me gifts

2) Watch all 10 seasons of Grey's Anatomy. It will be long and hard, but when you complete the entire season your entire perspective of the world will change. 

3) Get a sunburn. No Summer is complete without an adequate sunburn.

4) Send me money

5) Clean my car for me.

Did I mention I got a B in French? I'M SO HAPPY. 

I went running with my mom tonight. She is in such good shape. I was dying 1/4 of the way through. I am going to start working out with her more. I need to get in shape for my senior pictures. Like really. Can I just take a pill and be in perfect shape? You know it is the 21st century...science should have figured this out already. 

Get to work scientists.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

My Life and Dial Up

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I have two Popsicle left. The struggle is real.

This morning I was greeted with happiness by my car, Sensai. He would not start. It did not help that I figured this out 15 minutes before I needed to be at school. So I ran in my house and gave my brother an ultimatum, “Either get out of bed NOW and take me to school or I take your car and you never get it back.” Long story short…I got to school on time.

Big Brother starts in like three weeks. I literally cannot contain my excitement  That show is my air, it is my life, and it the reason why I go to school every day. So I can mold myself into being a better future contestant for the show.

WARNING: I am about to go into reality TV lingo…so just skip this if you do not watch Big Brother.  

Okay, I seriously just want all new contestants this season because that way everyone starts on equal footing. I mean, I love the oldies, but the new people never get highlighted enough because the show only pays attention to the oldies. But, if they bring oldies back, I want all oldies. Another All Star season would be awesome. But I highly doubt it. Also, the schedule for the week changed. I do not know it off the top of my head, but it is different from last year.

The internet in my house currently, is equivalent to the speed of dial up. REMEMBER DIAL UP??!! I used to play Webkinz for hours and my parents would get so mad, because no one could call us. Those were the days. Take me back.

There is a Pizza bagel at Panera. My mouth was so confused.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Take Away My Dignity

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: My laptop is about to die. So this is going to be quick. 

I have confession. I have been listening to Taylor Swift this week. I’m sorry. You can take my dignity away, I don’t deserve it anymore. But really, “22” and “I Knew You Were Trouble” are really catchy. I totally understand if you have no respect for me anymore.

I just don’t understand this weather. It confuses me. One second I am wearing shorts and the next thing I know, my legs feel like they need to be amputated due to frost bite. Mother Nature is like that bipolar ex.

Can Leonardo DiCaprio please get a Oscar someday? I mean if anything he should get a Oscar for his good looks.  No one works a suit better than Leo in "The Great Gatsby"                                                

Happy Memorial Day to everyone!! Thank you to all veterans who have served or are currently serving this great nation. 

I think Peter Pan put it best when he said, “Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting”, in light of so many of my great friends who graduated this weekend and my brother leaving tomorrow, I guess I will see you later. Thanks for all the great times and good luck, but you don’t need it.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Sympathy and Graduation Cards are the same thing...right???

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: Yesterday I got vasectomy and mastectomy mixed up. So that was a special moment for me.

I had a slight issue yesterday. I ran out of graduation cards…..so I used sympathy, anniversary, and get well cards instead. Basically, I crossed out the “I’m sorry for your loss” and replaced it with, “Congratulations on Graduating!” it makes my card stand out.

It also shows how cheap I am.

I would like to point out sympathy cards are way cheaper than graduation cards. Why buy a graduation card, when you can just cross out, “I’m sorry for your loss” and replace it with a priceless memory??!

I have a chronic problem. I get into mainstream music five months after the song is released. For example, I heard the song “Thrift Shop” yesterday and I am hooked. I’m worried that there is some sexual meaning behind it that I am not getting. I guess you can say after I heard that “Whistle” was not actually about whistling, I learned that no song is safe.

Today I have to play “Pomp and Circumstance” for graduation so the kids better move it. I mean it, they better walk with purpose. I will not play the song for 20 minutes. I will stand up and start playing a Dub Step 

version of “Pomp and Circumstance” if needed.

You did not just try to make Santa Clause sexy. Go home Taylor. 

YOU ARE WELCOME.

  

                                           

                                              

Short Saturday

Graduation Party season is so stressful. My biggest problem is actually attending the parties. I have every intention of going to the party but 99.9% of the time I fall asleep and miss the party all together. I went to a grad party with a coffee bar. It was the classiest thing ever.

Spring Fashion everybody. 

I just really don't understand Justin Bieber's clothing choices. You're not black Justin. Stop.

This is why I am never getting pregnant.

"Thrift Shop" is my new song. I am trying to learn how to twerk, so I can become more cultured. Twerking is so hard, I have taken to watching Youtube tutorials. None of them have worked. I look like I am seizing every time I try to twerk. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_mStX7AntY  This is hilarious. Go watch it and laugh. 

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Life Lessons in Plant Science

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: French is the hardest language in the world and it is responsible for the teardrops on my guitar.

I do not play guitar. 

The last week of school is literally the biggest waste of time. I am not learning anything. I am not doing anything of importance. And I do not have to take any finals. So basically I am showing up to class to socialize and play Solitaire on my phone.  Welcome to public education in America.

Plant Science is the greatest class of all time. And the greatest thing about the class is I am actually learning things I might use in later life. Because of Plant Science I can identify trees, flowers, take care of a plants, explain the difference between global warming and the greenhouse effect, and most importantly I am working with kids I would not typically work with. Sadly, today my plant died. RIP Brooke’s plant. You will be missed.

HAPPY FRIDAY. 

Sorry, ladies he's married. To me...in the near future.

His hair must take a lot of patience. 

Hi, my name is Brooke. Let's get married.

     

Brooke, you need to stop.                                                 

Look at that cutie. Team Brooke.

It’s Friday so this blog post is short. Go tear the world apart.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Stop the Conformity,People

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I ate five popsicles yesterday.

My dog is literally the cutest thing in the world. He walks and talks sass and doesn't take crap from 

anybody.

You know what I am wondering?? Where do boogers come from? Cause they just end up in your nose and it just makes me wonder, how did they get there???? ONE SEC LET ME GOOGLE IT. They come from dried up mucus in your head. How fascinating.

This is the time of year when yearbooks are signed. And literally every single message looks the same,

“Hey Brooke! We have so much fun in (insert activity/class you did with the person)! Remember that one (small insignificant event, that for some reason keeps getting brought up)! OH MY GOSH LIKE IF WE DON’T HAVE (insert class/activity) NEXT YEAR I AM GOING TO (insert strong emotion. Such as: RAGE! DEATH! SAD!) We have got to (insert form of communication) this Summer! Love you, (insert name)

Ladies and gentleman, I refuse to give into the conformity. Below you will find what I write on peoples yearbooks, because I refuse to succumb to society’s pressures.

“It takes a person to build a village. Be the village. –Brooke”

“Remember that one time when we went streaking? –Brooke”

“Asian children everywhere look to you. –Brooke”

“Let’s be honest, I am better than you. –Brooke”

“You’re a whore. –Brooke”

“Be the conformity that you want to see in the world. –Brooke”

“Do I know you? –Brooke”

STOP WITH THE CONFORMITY PEOPLE. Become your own person and sign yearbooks like you have never signed them before.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

PE and Porn Stars

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I forgot about my laundry until 11:30 last night.

PE is the biggest waste of time. I literally spend the entire class standing and making fun of all the kids that try hard. If you are someone that is a "Gym Class Hero"…you need to stop. PE is not the Olympics and you are not earning in brownie points from me. And let's be honest, those are the only points that matter.

I would get so much more out of PE if I just went into the gym and biked for 40 minutes. But no, the PE teachers feel the need to impress their students with their creativity by making games that not even my three-legged dog would want to play.

Today was one of those days. I was a walking zombie. Last night I woke up at four in morning because of a nightmare. I dreamed that I got a dash on all my AP exams and the teachers told everyone in the world. WHAT IF THIS IS A SIGN OF WHAT IS TO COME???!!!!?

Later on in the dream, because I failed all my AP exams, I was working as a porn star. And my centerfold was plastered all around America. I would not wish that dream on my worst enemy. No one should wake-up in the middle of the night thinking they are a porn star, NO ONE.

“A LOOK INTO BROOKE’S MIND” this is a new segment of my blog, when I will write the first sentence that comes to my mind.

The bra is the strongest thing on Earth.

I need to do my French homework.

No.

What if I was related to Ryan Murphy?

I would be a good pole dancer.

Stripping is actually a respectable profession.

My backpack is so heavy…you would think I am carrying around King Tut’s tomb.

There are so many people that go to my school that would be perfect contestants for “Extreme Makeover”.

On that note…..YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Lovers and Laundry

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: Haven’t painted my toe nails yet.

There are few things in this world that irk me more than doing laundry.

This morning when I opened up more underwear drawer it dawned on me, I have not done laundry in two weeks. You see this is inconvenient because I am now out of clean underwear. As I put on my last clean pair of underwear this morning, I got nostalgic thinking back to the days when my mother did my laundry for me. I have so much respect for my mother, living with me and doing my laundry WITHOUT getting paid....she must be a saint. 

Doing laundry is hard. Getting the clothes in the machines is fine, but the real test comes with remembering to take the clothes out. If the government was paid a dollar every time I have forgot about my laundry in washer, our government would be debt free.

I am writing this as I wait for my laundry. In tomorrow's UPDATE ON MY LIFE I will let you guys know if I remembered my laundry. 

Honestly though, the more laundry I have to do, the more nudity looks promising.

Britney Spears is a god. If I could be anyone I would be either Ke$ha or Britney Spears. There auto-tune abilities are admirable. And their music makes me want to move to LA and become a professional party-er  I have a good British accent ….so I could totally be Britney in “Scream and Shout”

DANCING WITH THE STARS FINALE TONIGHT. #TEAMKELLIE #TEAMDEREK

If Mark and Derek don’t take their shirts tonight, I am boycotting the show.

This week is all about goodbyes. As seniors leave and embark on a new journey I wish you all luck! Even though you don’t need it.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Philosophical Monday: Opinions

My biggest pet peeve is people who cannot respect someone else’s opinion.

I was reminded of this today in band. The band teacher at my school is leaving and my band has been helping decide the new band director. After all the conductors have conducted the class gets to have our say on what we liked or disliked about each conductor. Instead of respecting one another’s opinion, members in the room attacked one another for having a different opinion then their own.

Or among my friends today we talked about different forms of education. But instead of having a civilized discussion it turned into an argument.

Another example, differing political parties. During the election we decided our friends based on if they wore; Elephant Red or Donkey Blue.  

What happened at lunch and what happened in band is a reflection of how our world has begun to share knowledge. We constantly feel the urge to “pick a side”, and instead of having a discussion it becomes a “who can talk louder”, what I learned today is no one is going to respect opinion if you have to constantly argue and attempt to belittle someone else. Furthermore, everyone involved with the discussion will take a whole lot more away from the discussion if it is not an argument and instead just a talk among friends.

If we want to be successful in this highly connected world, we have to be able to respect one another for having different opinions and cultures than our own.

Being able to exercise your opinion is a gift. And young people today are abusing it. Rather than constantly finding fault with an opinion different than your own, try to understand the other side better. You see, we all want to be heard so instead of dumbing someone down respect them, and if you do not agree with it, shut up.

I am going to start blogging daily!!!!!! And in order to stick to the trend I am going to have planned days. So Monday is, “Philosophical Monday” when I will talk about something that bugs me and how we can change it. Tune it tomorrow to see what Tuesday is!!!!!

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

90'S KIDS UNITE

UPDATE ON MY LIFE: I did not win the lottery.

I am going to reenact 99.9% of what is said on social media sites during a rainstorm and my reaction.

“OH MY GOSH WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE” Someone help you.

“I love thunder.” You sound emo.

“Rain is so relaxing.” I bet you are doing a Native American rain dance right now.

“If I die I am leaving my dog to my grandma.” No one likes your dog.

“DID YOU SEE THAT LIGHTNING STRIKE??!!” No, I don’t believe in nature.

I am so happy that everyone in the world can tell when it’s raining. Our society has come so far.

Okay so “Iron Man 3” was a horrible movie BUT THE FIRST SONG OMG STOP I CANNOT HANDLE THE FLASHBACKS. Remember the song, “I’m blue da ba de b aba di ba da ba de ba” that was the first song of the movie. OH AND IT HAPPENED TO BE my jam in 1^st grade. 

So yeah, “Iron Man 3” was predictable and boring. I am a Robert Downey Jr. fan all day everyday but that script was so eigisddfnlkdfnlginlifndlkfnwlktnwlfndsnf. So do not go.

I will never understand why people eat yellow bananas.

Now that Summer is just around the corner, I have an issue. I need to paint my toe nails. My toes are the recreation of hell on the ten toes. I don’t know what is on them nor do I want to know, however if I want to wear cute sandals I need to get my toes together. I would go to nail salon but.....

A) no person for any amount of money should have to see my toes

 B) I am too cheap. 

So yeah, this year some people might be blinded by the horrors that make a home on my feet.

Another problem with Summer, I constantly have to shave my legs. I think all the females of the world should just stop shaving their legs. Then it wouldn't be weird if I were to walk around with a rain forest growing on my legs. Let’s make this a thing.

“HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME”

“I’m a genie in a bottle. You got to rub me the right way”

“Tell me whhhhhyyyyy??? I never wanna hear you say. I want it that way.”

“Hey now you’re an All Star”

“DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE??!!”

Welcome to the nineties. Now if you will excuse me I have a jam session with The Backstreet Boys about to 

start in my room.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

BROOKE IS THE NEXT DA VINCI

I have not blogged in so long….I forgot my password. Brooke, get yourself together.

You know what would help my life out a lot, if I used the same password for everything, BUT NO. I must complicate my life more and have a different passwords for everything. It is my way of preventing Alzheimer’s. Spelling, Alzheimer’s is really hard. I had to Google it just now.

The past few weeks I have been having some creative sparks of genius. If this continues I am on the path to being the next Da Vinci.

IDEA NUMBER ONE: “Dreambusters”

This is my idea of a television show, I will go into schools across America and tell students who think they are talented that they are not. 

For example, let’s say a 16-year-old girl is under the false assumption she is going to be the next Barbara Streisand I will come into the school and said child and I will have a “come to Jesus”. I will tell said girl, “You are not talented. There are one million other children in the world who think they are just as talented as you. This is not a reality check, I am saving your life.” Its genius.  

Who doesn't want to watch annoying children who think they are God’s gift to the world get their dreams busted???!! No one. People this is TV gold.

IDEA NUMBER TWO: “Breaking Down Barriers with Brooke”

Basically, every week I live with a different ethnic culture and try to assimilate into their society. I mean, who doesn't want to watch a white girl make a fool of herself??! One week, I will live with a Muslim family and when they pray to Mecca I will be like, “Oh stop!! You shouldn't have.” This is not racist. This is good TV.

The season finale is going to be, “Breaking Down Barriers with Brooke: Taliban Edition” in which I meet future suicide bombers and attempt hide with them in the mountains.

Just think of all the possibilities!!! I could live on a Native American reservation, an Amish village, the Upper East Side, with the Mormons, a week with the Kardashians, and so much more.

This is meant to be on FOX.

IDEA NUMBER THREE: TV SHOWS ALL YEAR ROUND

Not a big fan of this whole season finale thing. I honestly do not think it is possible for me to go four months without a new Grey’s of Glee episode. I will break down. There are not enough innocent children in the world for me to take my anger out on.

If I win the lottery tonight, all of the great ideas you read above will come to life.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

A Year in Review: Happy Birthday to Your Daily Dose of Brooke

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TODAY IS THE ONE YEAR MARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I have been thinking about what to possibly blog about today and I am really coming up dry. You see I was going to revamp the Ranking System but why would I mess with something that works??? ALSO OH MY GOSH I haven’t been blogging a ton recently so y’all don’t know but in the last few months Brooke has met several fives. THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE.

Today what I am going to do is instead to a year in review. If you have read Bridget Jones Diary you know what I am talking about.

THE DAILY DOSE OF BROOKE YEAR IN REVIEW:

1)      90 posts in 365 days

2)      I taught you all how to rid your home of campaign callers

3)      Stereotyped Asian people on several occasions. Please, Asians take it as a compliment.

4)      Emphasized the importance of gentlemen

5)      Predicted two out of the five Oscars that I called.

6)      Made it clear, you take ONE MIRROR PICTURE OR SELFIE AND I LOSE ALL RESPECT FOR YOU.

7)      Solved the world’s problems. I still think we should sell the national monuments. THINK ABOUT WHAT PRIVATE ENTERPRISE CAN DO WITH THE GIFT SHOPS!!!!!

8)      Introduced a new holiday: Looking for Fives Day

9)      Addressed my PTSD with French Camp.

10)   You all met Sensai. That’s how I spell it, haters.

11)   Continued my trophy wife training.

12)   Came to the conclusion Tuesdays are the worst day of the week.

13)   Blogged from the line.

14)   Created the pants dance.

15)   Wrote about the human stage.

16)   Discovered that PIMP actually means “Peeing in my pants”

17)   Expressed the importance of watching Breaking Dawn with your Dad on prom night, because it is good for character development.

18)   Published The Phases of a One Direction Fan

19)   Created the charity FEED THE LIONS.

20)   Reviewed Takeout. Because people trust me Brooke knows her takeout.

21)   Interviewed a self-proclaimed five.

22)   Reviewed slushies.

23)   Exposed what BOY SCOUTS DOESN'T TEACH YOU.

24)   Got the ball rolling for production of Magic Mike in 3D.

25)   Became Charles Darwin’s biggest fan.

26)   Married a Men’s Olympic Swimmer in my dreams.

27)   Comforted my fear of fireworks.

28)   Established that Brooke Problems > Your Problems

29)   Diversity killed the cat.

30)   Discovered love does not exist if Kurt and Blaine don’t get back together.

31)   Had a Kiki

32)   Met the love of my life at Starbucks. I still don’t know his name.

WOW. And that’s just from looking at the titles of the blog posts. SO WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE I WROTE ABOUT INSIDE THEM????!!!!??

Well if I can do this many awesome things in one year imagine how many awesome things I can do in TWO YEARS. The party is just beginning.

Have a great New Year and don’t do anything I wouldn't do!!!!! THAT LEAVES YOUR OPTIONS OPEN.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A KIKI IS?????!!!

This hottie has pneumonia. In other words I can’t say three words without having a coughing attack. I am on my fifth day and I don’t feel any better. To top it off the sheer amount of drugs I am on right now scares me. 

I am just going to come out and say it. Les Miserables was disappointing. Frankly the hype made it sound like I was walking into the greatest movie of the year.

I really could do with a little dialogue. I don’t think EVERYTHING needed to be sung, I am sorry but when you try to fit a five syllable sentence into a four syllable singing line IT JUST DOESN'T WORK. My biggest problem was it was predictable, I saw the show on stage when I was six, but I didn't remember any of it when I went to see it recently. I called that entire show. Within 10 minutes I knew the ending.

The plot for me dragged on. For a good ¼ of the movie I was sitting there thinking, “WHAT IS GOING ON??????” Granted, the ending of the movie tied some strings up for me, but in the end I was simply disappointed.

The biggest problem I have with Les Miserables is everyone is like “OMG IT WAS SO GOOD”, people it is getting to the point where I think people are just saying it’s good because everyone else thinks it’s good.

The bottom line is Les Miserables will not win Best Picture. It’s too generic and not edgy enough for the Academy. Will it win some awards? Yes, but not best actor or best actress. I would put my money on Helena Bonham Carter winning best supporting actress, and they will obviously will win best soundtrack.

Best Picture this year will go to Lincoln. Now that was a brilliant piece of cinema. I have seen a lot of great movies but Lincoln was stunning. It was spot on historically, the acting literally made me want to fall out of my chair, and just the overall story makes Les Miserables look miserable in comparison. Did you catch that pun?????

Finally I predict that Argo and Lincoln walk away with the most awards at the end of both the Golden Globes and the Oscars.

And I will be right.

The fiscal cliff.  I don’t care whether you are a republican or a democrat if you are elected to congress DO YOUR JOB. I think someone needs to teach these parties how to compromise. These politicians obviously never got much of an education because that haven’t realized yet, you can’t get everything you want. And the argument being made in congress right now, which we don’t need to cut spending is ABSURD. And I am questioning and worried about the sanity of anyone who thinks the debt isn't a big deal. WAKE UP PEOPLE AMERICA IS TURNING INTO GREECE. The debt shouldn't be a party issue and the fact that it is just shows how uneducated politicians are these days.

I say we lock congress in a room without food, water, and toilets THEN WE WILL SEE HOW FAST THEY MAKE A DEAL. Also I think cutting their pay in half is justified if we go over the fiscal cliff.  I should run this country, and then we would actually get something done.

I never commented on the recent election, so now that I have had some time to mull over my thoughts I am going to. First, just because this election you decided to get involved in the political process, doesn't make you educated in politics in the slightest. You see, politics is ever changing and it takes years of observing to be able to comment and argue effectively. I myself have watched Meet the Press every Sunday morning since I was in first grade and have spent the last ten years of my life attending rallies, arguing with politicians, asking questions, and simply observing. And still after a decade I am nowhere near as educated as I would like to be, but I am a whole lot better off than 50% of America.

Now that the election is over I am elated. Because all the people who think they are politically educated can stop making fools of themselves. You see when you have followed politics long enough to see a change in power and can argue either side of an issue then I will respect you. Until then I am 100% positive nearly half of America is uneducated.

These drugs are fabulous. Other than the fact that I can’t keep food down, their grrrrrrrrrrreat.

I recently met people who didn’t know what a kiki is. I AM IN SHOCK. IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT A KIKI IS YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THE WORLD. Seriously, IT’S A KIKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just had to get that off my chest. “LOCK THE DOORS, COVER THE BLINDS, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL COMING OVER” You just need to know what a kiki is. If you don’t know what one is call me. We will work this out.

I am going to close on this note. A spoiler came out the other day saying Kurt and Blaine are getting back together on my birthday. I THINK RYAN MURPHY PLANNED THIS!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO RYAN MURPHY IS A DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH. I wish I was his kid.

Finally, I invite you all to check my vlog! Just search Getting Down with Brooke and Julia on Youtube and its one of the first hits! Become and subscriber and please send questions.

ONE MORE THING. I am going to be starting of YOU ASKED IT THURSDAY again and I need some fresh questions so please email to brooketheblogger@aol.com with your burning questions, and of course you will be totally anonymous!

Have a fabulous New Year and don’t get to drunk.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

I MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

HELLO WORLD.

If one more person makes an Apocalypse joke then I am convinced the world will actually end. DON’T JINX IT PEOPLE.

I arrived home from a band trip last night at 1:30 in the morning, in other words, Brooke was a walking sassy zombie. I’m not joking I told three freshmen if they screamed one more time I would make sure their vocal cords never worked again. So let me change my title, Brooke was a walking scary and sassy zombie. Travel was not advised last night so it makes perfect sense to drive a charter bus with 50 people on it home. Three people died on the highway this week, because of the ice. I COULD HAVE DIED. Although, I have been technically dead on this blog for a few months so you wouldn't know the difference.

There was so much PDA on the band trip. I would be willing to bet half of the band is dating each other. I am going to be completely honest; the minute you do PDA I lose ALL respect for you. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOU MAKING OUT OR CUDDLING ON A BUS. Please someone explain to me, what is so romantic about bus seats??!! I really wanted a spray bottle of holy water and to walk up and down the aisles spraying the PDAers and yelling, “JESUS LOVES YOU!!!” The people behind me talked about their sex life and how if her mom finds out they are going to have a talk at the kitchen table with her mother. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THAT.

I think I am emotionally damaged. On top of it more than half of the couples didn't leave each other’s sides the entire trip. It’s like they were entirely dependent of one another. If the other one left the persons sight, just count down from 10 and I promise the other one will show up, I would put money on that. What happened to independence? We live in America, you should be able to walk to the bathroom by yourself or talk to someone about something other than your counterpart. So what I learned? If relationships are like the relationships I saw on the band trip, I want to marry my dog and stay single forever.

In other news Kurt and Blaine are still broken up. I think Ryan Murphy is testing how strong I am, just to see if I will survive this break up. IT HAS BEEN TOUGH. Seriously, I will go about my day and all a sudden I will think, “KURT AND BLAINE BROKE UP” and then I will cry inside. I think I should start journaling my feeling, that’s what Oprah would tell me to do.

I have a problem. Scratch that, I have many problems. I didn't start Christmas shopping until today. Christmas really sneaked up on me this year. I don’t even know what I want. So I am telling everyone I want world peace and Darren Criss. But today, there were more people at the mall then there was at all the Twilight midnight movie premieres combined. PEOPLE NEED TO LEARN TO WALK. I hate window shoppers. If you are just walking along and breathing in the bacteria infested air, I want to kill you. I have places to be. If you don’t have a game plan when you walk in the mall, you need to walk out.

Yesterday I met the love of my life. I was in line at Starbucks at the band convention, and the guy behind me was 6’4, had curly brown hair, and was wearing a hipster scarf. I cannot believe how forward I was. I TURNED AROUND AND ASKED HIM WHERE HE WAS FROM. I know crazy?? He was from Alabama and is a political science and economics major at the University of Alabama. He plays the trombone and loves jazz music. Also he told me I am funny and cute. HE TOLD ME THAT. OMG OMG OMG. We talked for like 10 minutes in line and he ordered a pumpkin spice latte. His drink came before mine and I figured he would just leave. He waited. And I was totally thrown off, so when my drink came I just took it and turned and said, “It was nice meeting you” and I walked away.

Here is my problem: I FORGOT TO ASK HIM HIS NAME. Seriously, Brooke you talk to him for 10 minutes and you forget to ask him his name!!!!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????!!! Sooooooo, IF ANYONE KNOWS A FRESHMAN POLITICAL SCIENCE AND ECONOMICS MAJOR AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA WHO LIKES PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES CONTACT ME ASAP. I AM SERIOUS GUYS HE COULD HAVE BE MY FUTURE HUSBAND.

My phone case looks like it has been put in a blender. I just thought I’d say that.

Okay I am going to address the elephant in the room, why have I not been blogging????? Well for a long time people have been telling me, “Brooke, make a vlog.” And I never have, but I made one. My friend Julia and I are the hosts of Getting Down with Brooke and Julia. So for the last few months I have been focusing on that. But now that it is up and running I am confident I will be able to maintain this blog and vlog. I like logs.

If one more person tells me their New Year’s Resolution is to lose weight I am going to kick a chair. PEOPLE YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. That’s the biggest problem with the world these days. We are always judging each other. The fact is most girls will never be able to walk a runway. I myself never will because if I am ever a size 0 let me tell you THAT WILL BE WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, and two I don’t want to stop eating Chinese food. But as far as I am concerned embrace the curves. People need to stop trying to become someone else and instead realize just how fantastically awesome they already are. So if you are a teenager and your News Years Resolution is to lose weight, you need to reassess how fantastic you are.

I am reading a free reading book. It’s awesome. I forgot how much I love reading.

Chances are if you have been following this blog for a while you know I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions or any sort of resolution for that matter. So I am not going to sit here and tell you I will be updating so many times a week, because I will break it. So instead I am going to tell you I have a lot of opinions and as long as the earth is still around, and I have wifi I will keep blogging.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

I am a fan girl.

I have a problem. I am a fan girl. Yesterday was the worst day of my life. Blaine cheated on Kurt on Glee. I encourage all of you to watch the videos my friend and I made before and after the episode. They show raw human emotion. I honestly have so many emotions now. I feel like I just went through a break up. I need to go hug my three legged dog.

On a less depressing note this is the first Friday in four weeks that I am not doing anything. It feels fantastic. I am eating, watching Netflix and looking up spoilers about the future of Kurt and Blaine’s relationship because I am a fan girl.

I consider myself a fan girl for the following nouns: Glee, Klaine, Grey’s Anatomy, Darren Criss, Harry Potter, and One Direction. If there is a spoiler out in the world someplace I am 99.9% sure I have found it and investigated it further.

I LOVE SPOILERS. I really am not a big fan of waiting for things. So I read spoilers. For example Glee is on five week hiatus yet I know the following things because of my fan girling:

1)      Episode 5 and 6 are centered on the musical.

2)      I know all the songs that will be on the next two episodes.

3)      Blaine will take down pictures of Kurt in his locker in episode 7 because they broke up and Kurt won’t talk to him.

4)      A fan asked Ryan Murphy( the writer of Glee) what his plans were for Kurt and Blaine? He responded with, “Eternity.” SO EVEN THOUGH THEY MIGHT BREAK UP THEY ARE GETTING BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!!! I think I can tough this out.

5)      Kurt and Blaine will have a duet in the Moulin Rouge episode.

I have a lot more….but trust me if I kept writing it would take all night.

The big question I ask myself is, HOW DO I HAVE TIME FOR ALL OF THIS???? I am still working on that.

I am so ready for the election to be over with. Seriously the presidential election is important and all but everyone is like, “the next president will decide the future of America” I totally disagree with that. Okay, there are millions of Americans and one president. Whether your candidate wins or not the world is not going to be over. And the whole, “The country is going to go to crap if whoever is elected” IS SO ANNOYING. America has gotten through over 40 presidents, and some of them were a little loony, but we have turned out okay. So o my gosh people hold your horses the world is not over and if all else fails move to Switzerland.

Imagine how awkward it would be to be Obama or Romney during the debate. I personally would like to moderate the debates. I would have sass. Like if one of the candidates tried to cut me off I would be like, “Um no. You do not talk to me like that, I am in charge. “I think it would be a lot more entertaining. I would also have a blow horn; whenever they talk over I just blow the horn until they stop talking.

Also as of today I am running for president in the future. My goal: WE ARE GOING TO MARS BABY.

I love space. My dad got me into space when I was really little and ever since then I just eaten it up. Like, my keys are on a NASA key chain. I think Space is super humbling, I mean we are a really small speck in a humungous galaxy. How cool is that? Personally, I think there is some other form of life out in space, I mean frankly I think we are being incredibly naïve thinking we are the only living things in the universe. You all should watch NOVA. You may think I am a nerd, but lets me honest, YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS.

I need to clean my room. It looks like a clothing store threw up on my floor. Alas, I have no will power for cleaning so it’s not going to happen. I think I will go eat my feelings instead.

Dear Annoying People Who Intragram Everything,

I HATE INSTAGRAM. You think you are a professional photographer now. I have news for you, taking a picture of your Starbucks cup and changing the lighting DOES NOT MAKE YOU ARTISTIC. NO. NO.NO. If I see one more breakfast bar instagrammed I will lose all faith in my generation.  

–The World.

Have a great Friday, and please don’t instagram your cat. Trust me changing the lighting on your cat won’t make him look cuter than my three legged dog. My three legged dog is so cute, HE DOESN’T NEED INSTAGRAM.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

Diversity Killed the Cat

Hello world.

Okay I am making a resolution to blog at least twice a week starting today.

Yesterday I began working at an unnamed presidential campaign. I am going to keep politics out of my blog. 

I just plan on making fun of both candidates on here.

I was making phone calls at the unnamed presidential campaign.

Anyways, I have never got hung up on so many times in my life.

I had an 80-year-old lady cuss me out.

A 97-year-old lady told me her life story. Her name is Betty, she hates democrats, she has 20 grandchildren, and she likes her eggs scrambled. She was cute.

Four of the people I called were dead. And their families told me to stop abusing them.

One lady told me she was voting for her dog….which with our choice of candidates that might be the smart choice.

When I left the unnamed office, my confidence was a little lower than it was when I started.

Personally, I just don’t see why people don’t read, “How to Rid Your Home of Campaign Callers” (my second blog post) it would be so much more creative. I mean if you are going to hang up on someone do it with flair.

This week Glee returns. I just want to say for the record, I hate EVERYONE on Glee except for Blaine and Kurt. I think they should just cancel Glee and make the Blaine and Kurt show.

SPOILER ALERT: According to sources BLAINE AND KURT ARE BREAKING UP. 

AHERHSLDLSFLSFHNSLIGLDSNFLGBLKCNLSFNLSNG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Words cannot describe my emotional distress right now. The episode is entitled “The Break-Up” it’s the forth episode of the season and it is right before a 5 WEEK HIATUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

If Blaine and Kurt break-up I will gain so much weight. I will redefine obesity. I have no love life so I invest all my emotions in a cute gay-couple on TV.

Okay so the Republicans and the Democrats have now had their respective conventions, so now everyone’s feelings are out in the open.

I thought the debt clock in the Republican convention was a nice touch.

And the whole Clint Eastwood talking to a chair made me feel good about my sanity.

Mitt Romney made some good points, but I really want to do something different with his hair.

Mitt Romney’s sons are total fives. It is too bad they are married and have children.

I don’t quite understand the whole child birth concept. I mean it sounds so painful and all you get is a screaming and crying child out of it. Where is the joy???

If I ever have children, I would adopt. One African American, one Indian, one Asian, one Hispanic, and one white kid. Then I would write a book about raising children of all different races. It could be called, “Brooke’s Children of the Rainbow” or “Diversity Rules: Brooke Style” I might get started on this.

Also I want my kids to go to the Olympics. I really want one of those P and G Thank You Mom commercials.

Some people dream of going to the Olympics, I dream of having a Thank You Mom commercial.

Priorities.

Okay I got side tracked, going back to the political conventions.

I am 99.9% positive I am smarter than Joe Biden. The man doesn’t know what state he is in half the time. He makes millions of dollars a year and gives 1.5% of his income to charity.

Joe Biden is incredibly entertaining though. But, if he was president I think I would move to Canada. I would honestly fear for my own safety.

Obama is a very good speaker. But if he says, “Hope”, “Change”, or “Forward” ONE MORE TIME I am going to throw something.

I like the ties much more at the DNC.

I will leave you all with one last note. This morning I walked in the kitchen to find my parents dancing to One Direction’s, What Makes You Beautiful. In other words, my parents win the Best Parents award hands down.

YOU ARE WELCOME. 

For those wondering if the title of this blog post means anything, the answer is yes. But, I am still working out what it means.